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I don’t think enough of  you read the first version. I guess it was too long.

look up.I bet you didn’t think I was still around. I guess I “egged” you all on to believe I left Earth in 1982, but I have been here all these many years masquerading as a series of your loser presidential hopefuls. I thought I was rather funny as Michael Dukakis. The tank looked so much like a rove ranger on my native planet, Ork.

My apologies for being elected president in 2000. Who knew Chad could be so important. I thought it was a nation in Africa.

Remember, I was sent here by the BIG GIANT HEAD to evaluate you. What did I find? Folly. I believe one of your fine historians defined that as “Pursuit of Policy Contrary to Self-Interest.”

I have to report that you are the most foolish group of beings from another world I have ever come across.

How odd you are. You test children so if 10% know 95% of the information asked of on a “norm-based” test, and they get the lowest score (say a 95), they automatically are labeled failures. So too those who scored below an arbitrary “cut score” of, let’s say 97%.

So rather than saying how smart these children are and how creative and innovative their teachers, educational institutions may have been, they are all failures. These are the results of psychometrician-developed exams. That is incredulous.

I am shocked to learn that you grade these tests to emphasize speed and recall as opposed to careful thought and problem solving over time as demanded by long term projects that ask students to solve real problems.

I am more shocked to see how fundamentally primitive you are in believing that these one size fit all tests are suitable for everyone because I know how important it is for all children to have what you call an Individual Education Plan for only a very few students, and what Orkans call nurturing. Why are these plans only for those you call “Special?”

I wonder why, in the USA, you want everyone, everywhere, to be the same. In our most primitive times, a hundred “krell” ago, we progressed past that point and recognized the value of the individual. Our society learned how to bring out the best of each future adult to ultimately succeed by stressing what they can do, not what they can’t.

Ultimately I have to ask, why do you “American humans” exist? Why do you choose leaders that make these asinine decisions that hold back your society? Look what happened when you elected me. As a joke, I tried to sell you a bill of goods I called No Child Left Behind, and you took it seriously.

Why can’t you create education laws without someone you call a corporation profiting. (I still don’t understand how your laws call them individuals with all the rights of humans.) Why is your major concern finance and not child welfare and/or morality?

You guys crack me up. No reference to that other Orkan, Humpty Dumpty though.

Your predisposition to think that anything futuristic (in your quest to be like us) is based on the idea that neuroscientists, biometric specialists, economists, and computer operators using “Big Data” should rule your world, especially in how we educate our children is ludicrous.

We are so over that primitive and barbarian idea. It seems to me that this testing craze and what you call Common Core is at the heart of this.

Your society will not survive if you cannot answer these questions:

  • “Why are you doing this to yourselves and your kids?”
  • Why aren’t the children of the wealthy subjected to the same inhuman forms of testing and this Common Core thing as the children of the working classes?
  • Why do you not respect the children of the working people on whose shoulders your society is carried?
  • Why is finance more important than intellect, human life, and intellectual creativity?

“Geezba.” I pity you. All I can finally say is for you to look what you do to your own children.

Your cruel testing schemes only prepare your children to be robotic servants while those barbarians among you who author Tom Wolf sarcastically called “masters of the universe” continue to defile your society.

Finally, I am totally disgusted with your bad behavior towards each other, your ill tempers, your inability to listen and learn from each other, and your avoidance of what matters most: a meaningful life.

After 37 years my final report is this:

Save your children or you are not worth the effort to save.



 Dedicated to the memory of Robin Williams.